crossroads??

So much happened in this week that is merely 4 days old. all that is on my mind now is "to begin with the end in mind" after DP's famous arts fac speech. made me ponder, and i hope i realli can get a good grip on my life.

sudden feeling of pure gladness that i'm in A31, 03A31. nothing caused this joy, yet everything led to it. beginning to get used to having a home room and suddenly i realised this is THE environment to realli learn. i look forward towards each day and in fact each lesson. the home room being so close to cafe meant that i could do a "transition" between 'odac table' and 'A31 territory' in a breeze. and i'm lovin' every bit of it. without the need to move about, the class actually gets to spend more time together. let's jus put this straight, i AM thoroughly glad that my dear becca is jus sitting beside me each day!! and another "angelic" character jus not far in front. OK i noe this sounds kinda sick, but i dun mean it that way. its jus like...this "feng shui" or wadeva u call it! but i certainly feel more comfortable than ever going to school, to class, to lessons. (hope those who shld not read it dun read it)---> the FRIENDS i'm all comfortable wif is all within sight, and those not-so-close-or-friendly-CLASSMATES can remain lost so long as i dun turn my back.

wednesday. Some raw humour by Mrs Ram the sarcastic just earned her some points in my chart of "pleasant teachers". She sure can act bitchy, and talk bitchy. But i noe it was all just meant to let us know that its a bitchy world out there. Somehow the only teacher i'm not too comfortable wif is face-twitcher MDM seet---the maths tutor. Maybe its jus becoz i havent been realli catching up wif my maths and i often find her lessons pressurizing. hope things gets better. afterall, i'll never allow myself to flop maths. some odac activity afterskl, and then it was off to "lao yu sheng" wif the odac'ers. a joy i feel i can never derive from anywhere else, not unless sun yanzi suddenly walks into SA, says she loves me, and asks if i'll love her for the rest of her life; which i'll answer "no" to her, "coz i'll love u for the rest of mine". ok wakie wakie. fantasies aside, odac's my joy for now. for all the joy that i often spread to others by making myself a clown, no one really returns the same favour to me 'cept them. well? at least while someone's still holding on to the one joy that would melt me.

Today i left class early as usual. weird feeling. good feeling. and i'm enjoying lessons as usual. Mrs Tan's a genius, or is there a word like "geniusess". a wksht full of blanks, a priceless sentence, a wksht full of understanding. The rainy weather is driving me nuts, there's much impt stuffs to see to. but it gives me chance to go home early and try to turn my life around. at least i have some time to really reflect by typing. (ONE big sincere thank you to rebecca who told me that blogging lets one into his/her own deepest thots some 3 mths ago. u don't noe how much this is helping me now.)

i realised preparing for lessons and being the BITCH Mrs Ram was talking abt is one good way to make sure u enjoy ur lessons more. shall go try to be the bitch that has been long dead in me. to end, i would realli like to thank A31 and odac again. u're realli making me feel i'm a lucky bastard. Thanks.


~last night becca said i'm lame for the 647th time since i knew her. wonder if ppl actually derive pleasure from calling another lame. c'mon...it was just meant to make u laugh! try telling a blind man to "LOOK to the bright side" in future...its cruel.~


In this case the only remaining hope was struggle, struggle with all the weapons which the human spirit, reason, and will can devise, regardless on which side of the scale Fate should lay its blessing.
---Adolf Hitler