childhood

i jus got commissioned. and hell it doesnt feel much of a difference actually. i figured ass-kicking officers who makes life difficult for their subordinates are not a result of their rank, because for one, i do not feel really evil at this moment. i think it has got to be down to childhood shockers. maybe this or that certain person was neglected during childhood and he grows up never wanting to leave cadets alone. maybe this or that person was abused during teenhood, and wants others to suffer under his hands. i dunno... its a sick world out there. thank God i'm normal, no matter how much i hear ppl say i'm weird everyday.

suddenly reminded of edwin yeo's better joke. if u write u're a writer. if u paint, u're a painter. "daddy daddy! i wanna become a drawer when i grow up" damn, children can get so stupid. but ppl jus love them for their stupidity. i remember when i was young i used to pretend to be stupid... and those uncles and aunties would pinch my cheeks and say... "So Cute!" Dame whats with this world and warped childhood? hello Adults? do u know that u're stupidity liking self is causing to kids to think that being stupid is the smart thing to do? and then 5 yrs down the road u smack their ass when they only get 30/100 for their maths test and u ask them "Why you So STUPID?!!" the poor child must be thinking... "but mummy, i thought u liked me stupid?" he wonders, "maybe i'm jus not doing it right, next time i'll get 30/100 and smile at my mum with my signature silly smile." thankfully i'm rational enough even at 4 to know that acting stupid to relatives gives u candies, but being smart during exams gives ur parents the right to boast to their friends and they would give u more candies.

talking abt acting stupid, how abt acting smart? they get scolded again. "don't act smart! look at the mess YOU'VE MADE!" does that sound familiar? now think for the poor child... "i cant act stupid, i cant act smart... i'm jus a child!! Boo Hoo Hoo...." Parents? rethink ur stand.

did u know that humans are really reciprocative creatures? u give me shit, i assure u. i ASSURE you. you WILL get shit. many ppl fail to realise that, and that is actually one of the powerful weapons that children -and ivan- use. its really a double edged sword, do good get good, do bad get bad. simple. but not many manipulate this fact of life to aid in their.... endeavours. did u know that if u're really nice to a person NO ONE in this world can stop the person from being nice to you? and did u know that trying to drive someone to the wall usually causes a backlash, and he or she will bite? hahas... u know when u're little and u go i friend u, i dont friend you... did u for one moment mistake that its childish antics? if only u understand... that by telling someone 'i friend you' you'd have created a psychological burden for the person, and the person cannot help it but want to reciprocate this kindness? the most childish thing a little child could do is to tell a girl "if u friend him, i dun friend you". because this is destructive and inconsiderate. suppose the "him", the third person here gives a really smart and calculated counter-move, and says... "i'll friend you, no matter whether u friend me anot." this is really constructive, and very positive. the third friend wins at the end of the day, i dun even have to tell u why. the third friend, if he is even more considerate, tells this girl "i hope one day if he dun friend you, you will still wake up knowing i'm still within yr reach." there. killer punch. i hate myself. but thats only because Myself gave "i" shit. and i told you humans are highly reciprocative. kekez... or maybe i think too much as a child. time to grow up.

i'm suffering from psychosis. the most idiotic definition of psychosis i've ever heard. "psychosis, is a sudden rush of shit into your brains, you shitheads." too much shit in my head. if funty is dead, and my dear bec*a decides she's tired of having me, and my once-darling is attached, and my constant companion never takes off, and cong nightmare-in-chelsea jing is trapped with drills, and fat bastard is suffering from withdrawal symptoms after breaking up, and parents cant be found, and.. and... (have u ever thought that sometimes life was not worth living?)no one ever hits my tag board, and for the past 6 mths i was trapped in ocs, and now i'm FREE. someone flush my brain? hahaha.... i have such an exciting life i dont wanna die. i jus need something else, something not mentioned here. hahaha

have u ever play with barbie? and u get so jealous of ken because barbie is so pretty and u hide barbie from ken, under yr blanket everynight? and u start to wonder, oh mum, why did u buy ken when u've already got me? den one day barbie gets lost somewhere in yr house and u KNOW that it must be because ken has hidden her away? and u go to toys 'r' us to buy a new barbie? but no barbie can ever replace the barbie that you loved so much? and u decide to play with ken instead? well.... i have. (hahahha jus joking la!! this is so so gay can??) i have a warped childhood.