nobody is ever history

this line keeps screaming itself into my head. i am undecided whether this line is the general universal truth which every individual experiences, or if this is true only to the believers. can something that has been stagnant for a year just ... resume operation and TAKE OFF from where it halted. the spontaneity of it surprises even me.

trust, it's been oft said, can never be rebuilt once its broken. but realise, too, that trust, once it's in place, does not get erroded by time. somehow i now know how you can gauge your importance to another person. simple! if that person is important to you, chances are that you are important to him/her. this principle, has always been true for most part of the time, and personally there has only been one single instance that this does not stand.

social reconstruction - inconceivable as it may sound - is beginning to take shape. the excitement, complete. i don't know why i do what i do, perhaps i'm being made to. feelings i used to know, now only possible through active creation. feelings i used to swear by, now so distant and strange. all i have left is skepticism, and the want to convince myself that perhaps it was always wrong, but NOW, it is right. chance, hope, and -seriously- a clear-mindedness of distinction between disillusionment and maturity, all sitting inside a giant lorry and running me down, SMACK in the face. that is the basis and guide for my social reconstruction. to unlearn my love of nonsensically childish girls and love of crap-laden gatherings, and at the same time learn that its better to hold our tongues.

you - are my harbinger of joy.