quagmire

Have you ever been in a situation when you start blaming yourself for every bad thing that's happening, while knowing at the back of your head that its not actually your doing, or that there's nothing you can actively do to correct said situations? Its terrible. It makes you unbalanced, (read: Heider's Balance Theory).

I cannot but start to blame myself for lousy results, for Liverpool's demise, for rainy weather, for cancelled lessons, for an ever-sensitive mind for dollar-sense. I hate that i have to chase the dollar before i can chase my dream. and in doing so, lose sight of my dream - or allow it to lose sight of me. Its a quagmire of the simplest kind, of the everyday kind. dollar vs dreams - choose wisely. even in a microcosm of a few months, we have to decide our consumption bundle.

Taking both sociology and economics have allowed me to see how this world works. rebecca has a quote in her toilet, by some poet or something, saying: "life is like a river, we all think we're changing its direction, but it always ends up where its supposed to". likewise: social mobility. Always, there are stories of people who "broke away", but they are merely tools of capitalism to motivate the 99% of the rest of who don't to continue working for those 1%. For those who understand how poker works, life is just like that. luck DOES play a part, but when your chips are high, you dominate the other player, bit by bit, and slowly you chew them all up.

Makes me needing a hug.