The aftermath

Friday. i had the biggest tiff with my parents---both of them, as they stood on each other's side--- in many years. Maybe the biggest. We were literally screaming at each other and much of the exchanges were unpleasant. Could that kinda temper come from ivan the amiable? perhaps when its something realli serious like on fridaY. It wasnt something childish like arguing over "freedom" or "i-want-my-own-room" wadeva shit. Coz all these never did happen to me, and quarrels between the Father or the Mother with the Son is rare indeed. Conversation itself is oredi seldom, no wonder why quarrels never seem to take place. With this under-rug-swept system, we had the "perfect" relationship any family could hope for.

It was the first time i actually openly argue with my parents over responsibility---theirs and mine. I gave them a piece of my mind, a principle that i always believed in. "your child dun belong to u, YOU belong to ur child."
The Son has got no choice in whether or not he comes to this sick and tilted world, whereas the Parents actually made that decision some 18yrs ago. This decision they made tied them down to an eternal responsibilty to be a "parent". And being a "parent" encompasses much much more than just being the person who "gives birth to you". You are ur child's parent foreva, its an obligation i believe one can never shrug, for u made urself his/her "parent"

"dun forget who give birth to you"
"as if i had a choice! i hoped u had just aborted me 18yrs ago, or better still use some contraceptives!"
"hey show some respect here"
"respect? no one ever taught me how to."
"you're still living on us"
"disown me. for all i care. You're such lousy parents"

After that episode, i stormed out---of the house, of that heated exchange. i wandered. And wondered. Did something radical like watch lotr for the 4th time.The sole reason being that its a 3hr show and i need not find other activities to eat up the time that i still dun feel like going "home". Well, i got the tickets, went in there, and albeit its great cinematics, lotr failed to get a single bit of attention from me. As suddenly as it started, it ended. (wondering if GV cut away 2 hrs of the show to make it a mini 1 hr movie of lotr). night falls, saturday followed. and i feel like a zombie walking abt. The Brother called to ask if i'm alright, he's the only who understands we do not have a choice to come to this world. afterall, hidden somewhere deep in my memories, i vaguely remember him saying pretty much the same thing to the Parents.

i feel inconsequential indeed.