today as prologue

last night i spent nearly an hour writing diary after all my usual 'goodnite' sms. yesh. good old diary that comes wif a shamelessly plain white cover. i cant believe i actually wrote so much, and when i check the date, it's been a month since i wrote anything in there. no wonder i had so much to talk abt, to feel about. its no nice writing in a diary, no need to be concerned abt ppl actually reading it. well...the problem is actually not wif people actually reading it and knowing all about u. i dun really mind some ppl noeing my everything. but well..the absolute plus point is still i can write about any shit in the world without having to care about ppl's feelings and reaction. i dun have to write in terms like "mine layer" or "dolphins", no need for euphemism, and feels totally different from this 'cryptic' blog of mine. well...i suggest everyone go keep a diary, or at least a private blog.

basically into my diary last night
-things happening in my life recently
-carol went into it (dun tell u why)
-people coming in and out of my life
-(and again this part has to be censored. damn. i hate the blog)
-some major conflicts -minor actually, but i treated it very very seriously.
-some other conflicts that came out of nowhere and took my by surprise.
-impression of someone really going down the drain, "revolting" as denise puts it.
-denise and her "blowing me away" which was really sweet
-block test, and how i'm handling it.
-integrity called into question, i find no fault in myself, but it hurt me when you said those words.
-wat my next few months will be like.
-procrastination

plus alot more. i scribbled non stop for a full hour, like a hungry man starved of writing for too long already. today? today was calm.. i found peace. i've been crazy, flirty and oversensitive lately. maybe i'm jus too afraid to lose things which i hold very dear.

i love mathematics. i mean it.

ok shall go read abt "Umar Said Tjokroaminoto" now... (what a mouthful for a name...phew!~)