The Next I-Love-You

I am convinced that to write, one needs to be comfortable. Great chair, cool weather, calming music, and a shower just before the writing begins - it gives me a clear mind, even at 1am in the morning.



Of late, there has been life-changing experiences bombarding me. Maybe slightly exaggerated, as readers often know me to be, but these really are significant food for thought to say the least. Reading rebecca toh's blog after a long time - a life-changing experience. Seeing alby again under thoroughly distinct circumstances, holding life-bending conversations and just knowing how my bestie has "grown" - a life-changing experience. Spending my birthday with a girl that i'd never have imagined possible in my most far-fetched fantasies - something which made me rethink over issues concerning friendships and humility. Watching Brad Pitt's "7 years in Tibet", at such a moment in life - a life-changing experience.



about people in my life: i have an amazing friendship with rebecca toh. i remember the worst quarrel we ever had was over differing opinions over a girl, J. It was really pointless quarrel and i think we didnt speak to each other for at least 3 to 4 months. thinking about it, i'm surprised how it seemingly left no scar on our friendship thats based purely on timely appearance, personal gains, and a whole lot of random memories. i am NOT in her life, as readers would find out if you visit her blog, can hardly even find my name there. and i would know better than to insist that we're actually like super duper good friends who secretly chill out - because we simply are not. yet, i have loved my dear becca ever since i was still using a nokia 8250 phone and she still being the sleepy head in class. She hates me, (i bet) at many points in life - as do i. *kekez* but somehow we always creep back into that dirty little sinful vice called "friendship". We're not best friends, but if i were made to pick a favourite friend in life, it would be her. (we always want what we don't get, don't we?) The best thing she's ever offered, was to cook maggi mee and sing happy birthday for me, warm fuzzy feeling notwithstanding. next best thing would be a birthday card written with infinitely broken french, telling me to just take the card and shut up 'cause she cant afford to get me any presents - that was 3 years ago.



go read her blog. tell me if it changes your all-too-perfect perspective on life and paperchase. then thank her on her blog if it did.



I met up with alby. the one person i was never supposed to love, but did. she's the one person who gave me the best lashing of my life, to which i have absolutely no rebuttals. If there's one thing i learnt from life, it is to LISTEN to the ones you loved. and to LISTEN to the ones who were nice to you unconditionally, who never compares you to others. If i ever get married, i'll introduce my wife to alby, and say, "Here, she's the one who turned my life around over a meal of Bak Kut Teh when i was 22."



On a side note, i feel like these are part of the five people i'll meet in heaven. But maybe i think too much.



on philosophy the above two, along with people like pingqi, jaime, to a certain extent carol, and honghui, and some others, made me understand that people simply do not have ill-feelings all their life. "绝交是一重很幼稚的说法". another friend put it really plainly, "people start to miss another person's antics and idiosyncrasies, and suddenly they blame only themselves. and since its always easy to forgive yourself, all is forgiven eventually - inevitably."

don't ask me if i'm going through a break up. neither am i going through a post-rejection period. i'm not. i've been through the latter all too many times in my life to know one when i'm in one. haha.. i now understand what it means to have all the goodness spoilt by one single badness. it all boils down to one word, one word that rebecca toh now LOVES: "Fucktitude".

i miss you. and the endless "call for fun cannot meh?" ringtone. Instead, i chat with becca toh online every night now, on my lousy-pok MSN that signs me out every 4 minutes. i downloaded mIRC, because "its so nostalgic it makes me wanna cry". i hold my peace. so long as you're happy. i dunno if you enjoyed yourself all this time, but its been a period of unmatchable concentration of niceness dished out in all my life. I hope i really did made u feel loved at one point.

on an entirely separate note, i'm running into pingqi all the time now, after 5 months of total alienation! (its scary, i even ran into her while i was hiding at the corner table of the canteen) She and amanda-of-the-faiths are SUCH BIG BULLIES of zhengyi!! it was a weird weird group, pingqi+zhengyi+amanda+me, and we actually had a lunch conversation. =) the "cosiness" of arts faculty meant that i say an average of 22 Hello's a day while walking along the walkway.

i'm tired of things in my life at this moment. i just want to spend more time with a friend for the moment. we'll TRY, right? *sniggers*