today as prologue

its 5am. and i begin having this random thought about how many people i would offend if i start writing what i truly feel about things, about people, and about my limitless cynicism. besides that, how many people i would make uncomfortable, how many i would cause uneasiness, envy, and spite if i wrote about things i did, do and feel like carrying out. and this thought just spiraled and spiraled until it became so uncontrollable i figured something else - no one in this world is truly honest.

i want to be a normal movie-going boy who watches transformers, listens to backside boys, and supports manchester united. but i can't - and i don't. i dun think its complimentary, so i am going to say it. i am ... weird. but thanks but no thanks i do not particularly like to hear others telling another person that i am a 怪胎, or introduce me as such. its ... irritating, to say the least. i am glad that i have an exceptionally good temper, if not many more people are so going to get hurt by what i have to say. which is why i figured i CANNOT simply poof and do a "world post" commenting on the world and telling them everything about everything. i figured it be best to live a quiet life, watch transformers and listen to backside boys.

i know what it is that makes me happy, but i do not know what it is that makes others unhappy. i find it harder to be truthful anymore, and often struggle to say what i think each person would want to hear. my bestest friend -ok both- say "fuck" like nobody business, and i am perfectly fine with it. yet i do not swear when i'm with say... omi and cheryl.

i think the world would be a much better place if everyone can start opening up wholly to each other. its a really liberating experience, i promise. tell each other: "i would want to marry you if i can impress you enough to make you fall in love with me"; "i think you offer great company, i would want to see you more often because i enjoy it"; "you suck, more than me"... and so on. Raw, unpolished meanings.

i would love to blog like this - if i could. hahaha..