truth

when i was young, i used to do things to prove to myself that i could do it. so i know that i could, if i wanted to.

when i got a little older, i used to do things to prove to myself that i could do what others could not. so i always had this inherent cockiness in me.

now, i no longer do things to prove anything, i simply do them because i want to.

i speak with just about enough tact to get me through my contacts smoothly, yet not see the need to sugarcoat any issue. between naivety and epiphany, i find no middle ground.

i do not believe that soul-mates, "brothers" or ... friends, are meant to be found. i do not believe in miracles. i do, however, know that you grind out the best relationships with hurtful honesty, sincere disgust, and unavoidable shits that must -will- come about with time. throw in a few good REAL years (not some inflated proxy years), and give, and give, and give, and give. Thats how you engineer yourself a soul-mate. and give.

NOT everyone has a soul-mate, though everyone hopes for one. we all, however, often imagine that we do have one - or be too quick to call person X one just because there is passing closeness - familiarity. its almost as if we naively believe that calling a dog "GODZILLA" would make him more than a chihuahua.

if p, then q

q                 

-------------

therefore p

is obviously illogical.

i once checked myself against committing such an error. questioning my own judgment, reassessing my idea of friendship. "am i too quick to give credit? are we really going to be friends forever?" Natural, cynically me. i struck off a huge chunk of what was, and since then few have become part of what is. the gravest mistake a cynic can make, is self-exemption from ridicule, i know. hence, that was really a sort of christening for this Truth.

on the other hand, i was determined not to overdo it. i had to seek a balance, (in statistics we call it) between type I and type II error. in english, i want to make sure i am not setting such a high benchmark (or low tolerance) that i start to omit real friends. and thank God i didn't, for Heaven knows what joy i might have missed out had i stubbornly stuck with the only solitary soulmate a couple of years ago. one advice for readers: all is a blur at the top; it is impossible to pinpoint one best friend.

today, i understand that its true what has been said of "the brightest star burns out the soonest".

delay your judgment, and you get the clearer picture. 

happy birthday rebecca toh.