school

This should be the first post done in school if my memory fails me not. at least not yet. The experience is quite different, having to bother about the pms-ing librarian and of coz the lack of privacy. But anyway, why the need for privacy when the blog is actually meant as a medium to express oneself so totally, and hopefully, truthfully to the whole world. Through the internet, it is hoped that someone out there would read of ur feelings and maybe even become affected in way or two by it. By spreading the word to the world, i feel as if all feelings being restrained within my tiny little physical mass would find freedom, and make me feel jus one bit lighter. that would be enuff.

i feel sucky today. i dun realli noe the reason, and in typing this very line i have "backspaced" at least a thousand million times to make my blog look and feel "clean". I feel like this is dirty stuff, a feeling of unholy cleansing of my own dirty day. i try to even lie to myself maybe? but somehow still trying to make this entry look "presentable" and not totally "saddening". This sadness...its undescribable. It comes from within, and i find no reason to account for it. If i was a gal at my age, i would simply put it down to some physical-bodily-hormones-disorder that seems to happen to the female homo sapien sapien every fortnight or so. (btw~ i realised modern humans are actually not homo sapiens, which literally means "wise humans". We are termed to be homo sapien sapiens, perhaps wise wise humans? spare me...)

i got a feeling i'll somehow delete this post after today. But so long as today still is today, and yesterday have not caught up with tml... i shall leave it here. Or maybe longer. The setting of the tuscan sun blatantly means that i have missed the show that i have always wanted to watch. The show i believed would make my year, and actually intro-ed to every single fren. shall get the vcd. by hook. or by crook. affected by this maybe? maybe not. The stupid j1s orientation is making me feel displaced! This is such a external social cost! while the j1s enjoy and the councillors suffer, (for all i care...they deserve it) i actually feel like i cant find a place i belong. walking abt the cafe aimlessly, i realised my most beloved "odac table" is being used as j1 "lunch table" and suddenly i'm left wif nowhere to seek refuge from isolation. touch rug table jus not the place for me. maybe this affecting me? not too sure as well...

But all this whole lump of shit is making feel not much different from wads causing this feeling----shit. ok i'm losing my link. talking in circles... anyway, i needa rush off for maths lessons with the face-twitching-nightmarish-hell-of-a-scary-woman teacher.

shall try to appear normal. and conceal the smell of shit. with the fragrance of laughters......