guess who's back?

for the past 9 weeks or so, i was lost. the world was lost. somehow zapped, packed, and sent to this dimension of isolation many call national service. best friends and enemies took role reversals; parents and siblings became just terms of identifying certain people with biological connection to oneself; good and bad guys became rolled into one - the sergeants; real and fake me became... was there even a "me" left?

Thrown into this big machinery of orders and dictation, i simply had to consume food, rest 7 hrs a day, and breathe in enough air, and the rest was up to the system to take and transform me. when the processing period was over, i was released back into society, proclaimed a soldier. i can remember how i used to be, but trying to go back to being me is.... challenging. return me to the system. i dun need the outside world, much as they dun need me.
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the army was much easier than i thot it would be. physically draining...... perhaps once in a while. mentally torturous........ not really (since we dun even have a brain in there. having too much of a ivannish-evil brain in the army would have caused me much trouble, would be caught malingering everyday.) then again if u think about it? do u think ivan would give up his brain and REALLY follow the system? the trick about all this is that when the authorities think u're stupid and brainless, let them continue having that thought. act stupid, ACT smart. if u get my point? the only challenge perhaps was psychological trauma- and thats definitely not what the big-bad-monsters-waiting-to-eat-up-recruits can inflict on us. its more from... you realising that while u miss the outside world, nobody's actually bothering that you're trapped. and suddenly i hate attached bunkmates. some wise man once said that love can make a brute gentle, i say he (or she, or whoever) change it to women can make normal guys wussified. how a person can be so indifferent about training, but then when its someone on the other end of the line, make himself seem weaker than he actually is. then again, maybe i'm saying all this out of envy.

what does not kill you.... hurts you. hahas... man im becoming too cynical by my own standards.

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i was jus telling her, there's some issues that i needa settle soon. and now i need therapy. i need social therapy. i now hesitate to call and talk on the phone. i dun even hesitate when i needed to jump down a 2 storey building to save ....... a dummy. (off course with appropriate safety measures la! i'm not that stupid to throw my life away - yet)

bah. im meeting carol later, like in an hour's time. im still glad someone like her happened. and chris is gonna be as good as dead in a month's time for 4 years, resurrect her once every 6 months for a few days.. and thats basically the sad story of me having an expired sibling. most probably cant make it to the funeral even.

and candice. u want to make me puke blood and die from trying to get to u??? hahas... i shall then. =P